I’ve been meditating every day this week as part of my new daily devotionals.
I’m having a hard time, though. Every night this week and last week, I’ve been plagued with really vivid dreams, and I wake up throughout the night feeling unrested and miserable. Some of the dreams are terrifying (a werewolf chasing two young boys who then bloodily kill him by tearing up the piece of paper that carries his name), some are odd (I’m pregnant and buying maternity clothes — and I have no desire to have this experience at this point in my life), others are pleasant (I wake up in the dream with a cat purring on my chest).
But they’re all extremely vivid and keep me from achieving a restful sleep. I desperately want to stop dreaming. This is odd, because I usually love my dreams. The book I’m writing right now is based on a dream I once had. I’ve gotten dozens of other story ideas from my dreams.
Now, though, my sleeping mind jumps from strange scenario to strange scenario, and when my alarm goes off in the morning, I feel dreadful. It’s effecting my waking mind now, and when I’m trying to meditate, I cannot focus on any single thing. Instead, my imagination leaps about recklessly, and I never achieve the feeling of true closeness with the Kindreds that I’ve gotten accustomed to.
Last night I made offerings to Morpheus, begging peaceful sleep and protection from my nightmares, but I ended up only having vivid benign dreams rather than a dreamless sleep. While I appreciate the change, I’m still exhausted.
I’m nearly at my wits’ end. I have no idea what to do, except resort to sleeping pills.
I’m off now to make my daily devotionals. Tonight I’ll beg my patron for help, even though this isn’t really his area of expertise.