Oh, dear fellow druids, it’s 3:40 a.m. and I’m wide awake. I’ve tried meditating, I’ve tried memorizing a prayer, I’ve tried rereading Anne of Green Gables for the zillionth time, and none of it’s helping. I posted on my other blog, and now I’m posting here because, well, one person is lonesome sitting in a puddle of computer-light, surrounded by the dark, and it’s nice to pretend you’re talking to someone when you’re wide awake and the world is asleep.
I think there must be some sort of neurological-wiring connection between difficulty sleeping and difficulty meditating. I’ve always had trouble sleeping, and it seems that meditation has been getting harder and harder for me. My brain refuses to quiet down, to focus on a mantra or an image or anything. The only thing I’ve managed to focus on lately is writing, and even that was a struggle last week.
How, how does one achieve mental discipline? I like to make comparisons to running, but the mind is a much more slippery muscle than those in the body. It’s not as simple as run, rest, repeat to get in better shape. No, if I continue repeating what I’ve been doing, my mind will just bounce about more wildly than ever. Rather than training it to run more smoothly, more quietly, I’m training it to run around like a kid in a candy store, touching every interesting or pretty thought just briefly before moving on to the next. It’s even irritating to ME, and it’s MY mind.
I fear I’m not making sense, and you’re not even getting half the thoughts and metaphors that cross my mind as I type this.