I just discovered a draft post I wrote about Beltane—in May of 2011. It’s been fun to read it and see how my understanding of the High Day has changed, as well as how my understanding of writing about the High Days has shifted.
I think that’s one of the unsung values of the Dedicant Path: a permanent record of how our spirituality develops, or at least of how our understanding of the druid path develops. I came to this path, a former Catholic, back in 2010 with very little understanding (beyond a childhood reading of The Mists of Avalon) of what it truly means to be a pagan. I knew that the Wiccan practice of what Isaac Bonewits calls duotheism wasn’t for me; I knew that I felt called to the Celtic cultures, myths, and religion; and I knew that there was a very real, very deep hole in my life where spirituality should have been.
I found ADF and quickly knew I was home.
But I’ve learned so much in the past 18 months, so much that I’m very glad I started this blog, even if my posting has gotten intermittent. My thoughts here are a record of my quest for understanding and a personal map through my own dark spiritual times. I’ve been in a practice rut lately, crippled by some personal dilemmas and unable to hoist myself up out of a dark place. I’m on my way out of there now—I think, I hope—and seeing how far I’ve already come gives me a needed boost.
So much of the work I’ve done has been by accident. I follow a tangent, I ask a question, I pull at a thread, and suddenly I’m studying something completely unrelated to what I “should” be working on. That’s why it’s taken me this long to even get a good start on my Dedicant Path work—I’m just to damn curious for my own good.
Still, all those kinks in my path have shaped my understanding of what we’re doing, and I would never give that up.